Sent by Errol Goveas
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The Woodpeckers' tale
Sent by Anon
An Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.
The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely im-peckable (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge. After flying to California , the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked the tree.
So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither> one was able to peck the tree in their own state? After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion.
Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.
An Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.
The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely im-peckable (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge. After flying to California , the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked the tree.
So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither> one was able to peck the tree in their own state? After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion.
Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.
10 Fun things to do in a department store
Sent by Kiran Rathod
1.Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they aren't looking.
2.Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3.Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4.Walk up to an employee and tell her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares.Get on it right away."
5.Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6.While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk wherethe antidepressants are.
7.Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'MissionImpossible' theme.
8.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yell 'PICK ME!PICK ME!'
9. When an announcement cames over the loud speaker, assume a fetal position and 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
10.Go into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled veryloudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
1.Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they aren't looking.
2.Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3.Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4.Walk up to an employee and tell her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares.Get on it right away."
5.Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6.While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk wherethe antidepressants are.
7.Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'MissionImpossible' theme.
8.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yell 'PICK ME!PICK ME!'
9. When an announcement cames over the loud speaker, assume a fetal position and 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
10.Go into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled veryloudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
Growth mantra
Sent by: Anon
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?"
He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."
Some shit about shit
Sent by: Kiran Rathod
Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier,but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you cansee what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening After that , the bundles of manure were alwaysstamped with the term 'Ship High In Transit' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ' S..H.I.T ' , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Neither did I.
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