How It Started

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift..

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the
gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started....

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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started....

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first..

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started....

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the
truck, the car, playing golf '

Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived
home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush.

I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.